I've always been soothed by the glow of mini Christmas lights. I am uplifted and soothed by Christmas music. The holiday standards reach deep to instill peace and cheer me up, no matter how frazzled or grumpy I was. I associate Christmas music with contentment.
I have wondered for quite a while why they have such an intense effect on me.
During a conversation with my mom this year, talking about nursing babies, she told me (for the half a dozenth time) how she had nursed me for about 2 months before switching to formula. She stopped partially because she wanted to attend a party - presumably with some champagne to ring in the new year.
Suddenly, it hit me. During very first part of my life, when I was still waking in the night, and was being nurtured most intimately by my mother, she was taking me out to the rocking chair in the living room, with the Christmas tree lights on. She would have had Christmas music on constantly throughout the day starting right after Thanksgiving (that has always been Dad's "rule", to keep the music special by limiting when it's played) - two weeks after I was born. The music would have stopped, and the lights came down, at the same time that she stopped nursing me.
What more logical reason for me to associate those things with peace, happiness, and contentment?
We put up our tree this weekend. R and I will be basking in its light, Christmas songs our lullabyes, as we snuggle this month. We've started a little late, but maybe I can give her the same anchor of happiness and peace that I've had my whole life.
I hope so.
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That's sweet.
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